Of course I know Linux!

3 November 2022

I'm not gonna lie, I was excited as everyone else at the introduction of the steam deck. How can you not be excited over the opportunity to tote your favorite games with you, preferably in your favorite messenger bag because the community has echoed in unison that the deck is one "chonky boy," wherever you go, provided you have somewhere to go in this economy, and enjoy them running on a true portable computer, not a console. You see, the problem with this is that here is where the "pc master race" comes in. There are already thousands of tutorials on youtube about how you turn your steam deck into the "perfect emulation machine." Why in the hell would you want to do that when the steam catalog and client, introduced with half life spans 15 years of new computers and better performance every pc upgrade, now to do that every new handheld, if the deck is a success, and whether we purchased or not. We are all enjoying watching Mr. Newell swing for the fences.

Seriously, that being said... This device is not for me. I don't know any Linux, and anticipating what I would assume is your customer base, you haven't programmed it like a Nintendo Switch where the infrastructure is for the most part self contained so I can't do something that will void the firmware and force me into a painful RMA. I mean, it's taking you two weeks a unit with your favorable projections going as planned.

So what did I do? I purchased an OLED switch with the mumba open face case shown above that makes the switch feel like way more of a cohesive unit, and I transferred my previous Nintendo account onto it and with the grief that I had to endure to do that. I'm pretty much sure that I would rather consume your products on a capable ATX PC than a huge handheld device that I could very possibly render a brick through faulty tinkering and obeying the electronic prophecies of false oracles.

However do you know what I saw in the midst of envisioning the block long line of wanna be's without an array of code committed to memory in our thick skulls... me included, Was street fighter 4 ultra running in glorious (you see what I did there,) glorious 60 frames per second untethered to another human being. Like I said I have an OLED switch. You can fight best of 3's on that platform with a simple 20 dollar a year, almost dead nintendo live membership. Then I lost consciousness. I lost consciousness and had visions of SF junkies being hit by cars for addiction to knocking nebulous wifi and possibly bluetooth opponents out over and over shot up with the china white of what is the greatest fighting game of all fighting games on the world's most intriguing handheld. Please, Sith Lord Newell. Make it happen.

Rest assured, we all are staring at your device with wonderment, but for individuals such as myself, that entirely too accessible Linux Basic (Nothing basic about it, I need my Nintendo security blanket,) In Out System is just too much of a risk for too little enjoyment the way these games were officially meant to be played. So sorry Mr. Newell, until I learn some simple code... This is a pass for me.